new personal best today

New perssonal best today. Managed to keep my cool long enough to not shout at someone when I was mad at them.

So, keep in mind that when you get pisses at someone you should take a moment and calm down. Then think it out. What made you mad? Is it a missunderstanding? Othhher than getting mad what can you do?

Keep these in mind.

Emotional ramblings

Dark thoughts on a stormy morning. Anger and frustration at feelings unexplained. Frustration at a world that seams to value emotions and faith over reason.

These thoughts are mine this morning, and only mine. I am not expecting you to understand them, but it is enough for you to read them.

I think I have been keeping to myself for to long, not expressing myself enough. I went out with friends last night and found I was drifting from them. I was lacking any new news or expressions to share with them. Because I missed a party due to work and a cold I was teased about coming last night, which wasn't why I was there and even though I was expecting it, it still stung. I guess my tolerance for bullshit is at a low currently, the result of emotional rawness that comes from over work. The same thing effected me last year and it is distressing to see it return so early in the year.

I have to get over it in order to do what I want to do, get past the emotional disappointments and panicky fear and physical setbacks. It is that or admit I need to let loose another branch of my life, something I don't want to do now.

It is happening again

Well I am pissed. Once again friends have gone out and done something I have expressed interest in. I don't know if my expression of interest was misinterpreted, or if I am just not welcomed in that group of friends anymore. I need human contact like anyone else, but why do my friends have to be out and away to far.

Maybe it is time for new friends.

Edit: of course once I cool down, things don't look that bad. But still, it stings.

Paranoia and Doubt

One of my problems is paranoia and doubt. My doubt feeds my paranoia and vice versa. This happens usually when my expectations of reality are not met. My mind then seams to spiral down into a line of worst care scenarios. Once this starts, even when I am aware of it, there is little I can do but to ride it out. It is very frustrating and the only way I seam to control it at all is to not raise my expectations at all.

While that helps, it is very limiting. If you don't have high exportations, you have no dreams and no desire to improve or excel.

I know this is all in my mind, I know I can over come it in time. But it is so frustrating to be this way today.

Get over it

Today, on a whim, I went to my state capitol building to see my state government and a vocal percent of the state populous in action. All over a sign that said there is no God. That's right, my state is the state of Washington, and I went to Olympia to see what the fuss was about.

For the record, while I support the right for the sign to be there, I do not support the message on the sign. It is to inflammatory for my taste and doesn't really say anything positive for the holidays.

For those that are unaware, this is an interesting turn of events in a long history of our state not publicly supporting religion. Both the Governor (a Democrat) and the State Attorney (A Republican) have made statements that they are following the Supreme Court ruling that they can put up displays as long as they let everyone that asks to display (within a set of guidelines). This reassures me that if one of the displays goes, all will go. But I thought I would go down and see the fuss for myself, and to make sure that just one sign wasn't taken down.

They did get lot of people there for the protest, they filled the steps at one point. I did manage to get by them to see the sign before they began and then I went outside to see the protest. At that point I heard someone saying "There better be no dirty atheists back here!" (meaning the top of the stairs) and decided that wasn't the best way to get back into the building. That and some of the signs convinced me that, despite of what the organizers of the event said, this wasn't a peaceful rally in some of the protesters minds. They where offended, and wanted to make it clear they thought their religion was the only one that mattered.

They couldn't even agree in how you get saved. At one point before the rally began there was a man preaching to the waiting crowd. At one point he said you must believe in Jesus to be forgiven, and some of the crowd shouted back that you must ask for forgiveness to be saved. This degraded to shouts of "Read your Bible" from both sides, with the man continued preaching until the start of the rally.

There where a few nice things about the protest, like when they sung Christmas carols, but mostly it was a cry that their God is real and that no atheist is going to take Christmas away. I didn't think a sign in the Capitol Building could do that, no matter how horrible the message was. Several times they would say they love Atheists, just before they would say something hateful about Atheists.

And speaking of the sign, it and all the other signs and display are behind a roped off area now with a state trouper guarding them. The nativity scene is on its own on one side with the the signs all on the other. Sad to say all of the signs are offensive, dumb or both. A few of the signs writers need to read up on history (we have not been celebrating Christmas for 2000 years, for example, nor was the country solely founded by people that believed in the Bible).

There where counter protesters there as well, with the signs "Get over it" on the steps of the Hall of Justice across the way. (oh the irony) At this point I wish that is what everyone would do about this.

Oh, and it is already in the news.

http://www.komonews.com/news/35678604.html

Atheist display at Olympia

This morning I learned of the Atheist display in the capital building. It was next to the nativity scene. Personally, I am more surprised about the nativity scene, but since it is there, let there be more holiday displays next to it from every belief and non-belief.

Gregoire herself doesn't agree with the display (the Atheist one) but says that it has a legal right to be there. And I have to agree. It has a right to be there, I just wish the message was more positive and less of an attack on those of faith. I understand that for some Atheists any religious display is offencive, but you can still meet them halfway and still stand for your non-belief.

Next year I think I will see what my local Atheist group can do as a display that is more positive (this guy was from out of state, he should have at least worked with a local group).

Update: The sign has been stolen.

Now that is rude and make me cheer on the person who put the sign there in the first place.

We still have a ways to go

Last night I saw a historic event, one I was not sure I would see in my life time. Granted it was only a matter of time before someone who looked black would be elected to the White House, but it is nice that it happened at the start of the 21th century rather then the middle.

People are now calling this a new age for the country. A new age for the middle class, for minorities. But looking across the nation at some state initiatives I say we still have a ways to go.

In Arizona and Florida gay marriages were banned with California not being called yet but the yeses are leading this morning. Even as the greatest achievement of the civil rights movement has happened, some of us are still denying rights to a group we don't agree with.

So do celebrate, but remember there is still work to do.